What is a "GOOD" Burger?

I am so sick of everyone trying to make the biggest burger! STOP, nobody cares to be stuffed to the max, just give us a GOOD BURGER!!!! What is a good burger? We will start with the basics, the bun. I want a bun that will hold everything in place, I don't everything falling out all over the place. The bun SHOULD BE TOASTED! I don't care who you are or what you think. I also don't want a stale ass bun either. Then you obviously need a good patty, the more fat, the juicer. I don't care if its 3 pounds or a 1/4 pound, freaking get your sear right. I want a nice sear to A. keep the juice in and B. give it a seasoning crust (yes, don't be 5 guys and use seasoning.) Don't overcook it, don't use random ass seasonings that you think will just put it over the top, keep it simple. I need to have juice running down my hands, I don't care how it's cooked, make it juicy. Then comes toppings, Fresh lettuce (please don't use 5 day old, brown lettuce), Sliced Tomato, Dill Pickle Slices (not a spear on the side), GRILLED ONION (it's the only way), and of course REAL CHEESE. If you have a custom sauce, make sure it works, otherwise don't dare use it. If you don't use grilled onions, at least have the option to add them, along with bacon and mushrooms. If you have a weird ass burger, it better be good, don't just throw something together and hope it's good. Oh, and serve fries that are HOT!